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Sunday, January 30, 2011

Prayer, Birthday, Life, Dreams

This weekend has been full of fun, laughter, learning, conviction, and so much more.  Friday I turned 19, my day was a little weird for me when I think about past birthdays.  I have all these memories of past birthdays, my seventh birthday when everything went wrong.  The last several years where I have spent it either getting ready for or right after stock show.  Last year when I turned 18 and I spent my day thinking I would show for the last time the next day, but instead had one of the biggest blizzards Perryton has seen in years.  A day where I missed seeing the women who has been my go to "mom" since I moved to College Station because of the snow.  Where I didn't get to tell her I was accepted into Texas A&M University, a day where neither one of my big sisters where even on the same continent as me.

And two days ago, I had another birthday to remember.  A birthday where even though I had to do homework for part of the day, the first people I saw where the ones who threw me a birthday party yesterday.  The ones who I can go to with joy, tears, hurt, and pain.  Where the first people I talked to where my big sisters, both of who are once again on two other continents.  A day where I was mysteriously called by a guy to later learn that his amazing family is so awesome they got me a cookie cake. I had blueberry pancakes for lunch, then I sat in math class.  Everywhere I turned people wished me happy birthday, either in person or on Facebook. The day where I learned my younger siblings did awesome at stock show.  A day that ended with me in a car with the two most amazing BSM interns in the state.  Then just as it rolled into the day after my birthday, I was in a conversation with the most important person in my life.  Every second of my birthday was spent felling loved and cherished.

More to come later, on Abide and what I learned there.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Thoughts

Today as I sit on the coach wrapped in a fleece blanket, socks, and hoodie because our heater is not working (my thermostat says my room is 62 F) I realized something.  First, I had an awesome weekend with the Beanlands.  Like Mom and Dad said after Keith and Chris came to pheasant hunt it is amazing to see how great Christian fellowship is.  I stepped into their home and instantly felt welcomed by Julie, and when we sat down to eat.  The laughter and teasing started immediately.  By everyone at the table including Kyle.  To make what could be a really long story short, I had such an awesome weekend and I once again realize how amazingly blessed I am.  
Second, as I start this new semester it is a time for new beginnings.  A time for me to focus on what is important.  At the top of my list is my relationship with Christ, second my relationship with those around me here at TAMU.  Third my relationship with the friends and family I am separated from.  And mixed in the middle of all that is my school work and new job. 
An amazing women I met this summer told me that in high school she focused on school and when she got to college she decided that she would focus on her relationships instead of just focusing on school.  She is so wise and this semester I hope to take her advice in every decision I make.  Know off to dinner with friends and then for the first day of school tomorrow.  

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Why

I am sure that many of you are wondering why I started this blog.  Why it has a strange url, and why the title is even stranger.  So I will try and explain why I chose the names I did.  The url my light in the shadow  was chosen because it s how I have seen my life for many years on more than one level.


First, as the third daughter and youngest daughter, in our "first" family.  I often felt unworthy, or not good enough compared to my older sisters.  I mean how can I compare, with a state level food and nutrition winner, a girl who finished her college career in two years?  Then moved oversees for another couple of years. 


Or how about my other sister, the one who went oversees at fourteen.  Who has an amazing eye for photography, that she has made into a successful business.  One who lived oversees for a year right out of high school, then decided when she got back to not go to college, but instead leave herself available for on missions opportunity she had.  Not to mention she can write and take pictures that make people cry within seconds of seeing them. 


Not to mention, my brother who can talk his way out of almost anything, or someone else into anything.  And is amazing in the kitchen.  Or the four little kids who continue to amaze me with all they are doing, even for their young age. 


Then there's me.  The girl who while I have been on some mission trips, I have never given more than a few weeks of my time for God.  I am pursuing the "normal" life, graduate from high school, attend college, get a job.  Nothing to exciting for me.  While I truly struggled with not being good enough for years, that is (usually) not a problem for me anymore.  I now know that God made just one me. So I need to be a light to those around me, even while living in the shadow of others. 


Second, it is my desire to be the light in the midst of the shadows cast by sin in my life.  I am not so naive to think that I will ever be sinless.  But I do want to be a Christ's light to those around me even while being my imperfect self.  So that is the story behind the name.


The title, comes from a quote I heard back in my target shooting days.  I heard this from a man who was helping me learn how to be a better shooter.  Shooting is a mental game and the only way to be good at it is to be able to let go of what you do wrong and focus instead on what you did right.  But at the same time seeing what you did wrong and learning from it.  That is my goal in life, to see the mistakes I have made, make the moves necessary to correct them.  Then forget about them, let Christ's love and forgiveness wash over me, and move on to the next challenge in life. 


I won't make any promises about what will be said on here, when I will post or anything.  But my prayer is that by being open,  one person will be encouraged.  If that is all that happens it has been worth  my time.