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Thursday, January 30, 2014

My Crazy Jumbled Thoughts

So Tuesday was my 22 birthday. I must admit I wasn't really looking forward to it. I even hid my birthday on Facebook so fewer would know it was Tuesday. And as much as I didn't want them to, the students here discoverd my birthday was on a Tuesday. The same day we meet every week to have dinner together at Ryans house.

After it came out I knew I just had to resign myself to enjoying whatever may come, even though I'm not a big party person, and I really hate being the center of attention. I had talked to Lori (my bosses wife) and new she was planning on having a cake and making it a special, but low key night.

Having been here only a few months, and being gone for one right in the middle of my time here, I just really didn't want to compare this birthday to years past and figured that would be easier if I just didn't really do anything. I kept thinking back to the last few years.

Last year when Caleb informed me we were having a party and he was doing it wheather I liked it or not. Including inviting everyone and not letting me have any part of it. Going to lunch with friends and having everyone who was like family there to help me celebrate that night.

When I turned 20 and got to take friends shooting for the first time. For free!! It was the best and I got to be coached by some of my best friends and their coaches. And watched a friend get married.

As much as I hated the princess theme, my freshman year at Texas A&M I knew how much I was loved when a random group of people I had only know a semester came together to give me a party. 


There are of course all the birthdays at home with my faily that are amazing memories. A blizzard coming on my birthday and stock show. A mentors baby being born on my birthday who makes me feel old everytime I see her and realize I am 17 years her senior.  

All in all this birthday had a lot to live up to and I wasn't really expecting much. But you know what happens when you don't expect much? God suprises you and gives you not only what you didn't expect, but more. 

I have felt loved and appreciate here many times. But none like last night. From talking to family, to working all of it was great. I had friends to celebrate with and it was amazing. I got to see students who are not completly comfertable with Christaians come enjoy spending time in a safe environment and ask questions about what we believe. I was given several wonderful gifts, some pictured and many others. Things I never would have gotten myself but where perfect. I listened to happy birthday more times than I can remember. And overall had an awesome day. 

The fear of being let down, made me scared to look forward to anything. It is more than just on my birthday. It is everyday. Each day I get up expecting so little out of the day. I have to wonder how much God would open up for me to do each day if I would only let Him. 

Thursday, January 16, 2014

New Beginnings

Coming back to Eugene after Christmas has brought many new beginnings and several ways to adjust my perspective on a daily basis. 

Learning to see the beauty of each day is something I have had to do daily. Coming from the state of Texas sunshine is what I've grown up with. The constant fog and gray skies has been a little difficult. But each and every gray day has something beautiful in it. I don't have to worry about when it will rain next, or if the grass will be green this spring. I can see the reflection of the street lamps as the fog rolls in thicker. 

Some things I just need to let go of, they aren't as important as I seem to think they are. It isn't all that important that I have to figure out a new schedule. Or that dog hair is on my clothes. They are just little things in the grand scheme of things. Will I let them get in the way of doing all I was made to do? Or will I just deal with them and move on? 

Being free to let go and just be in Christ has become my new lesson to learn. I can either let the gray weather darken my mood and make me sad and depressed every day. Or I can see the beauty of each day and rejoice in all God has given me.