Light

  light 1 |līt|
noun1 the natural agent that stimulates sight and makes things visible
Such a short simple word.  But so often it provokes thoughts of other words.  Some that come to my mind.  God, healing, hope, love, faith, and most recently family.  
About a year ago I received an email from a wonderful family at the church I was attending at college.  Then nearly three months later, after many attempts, I finally had the blessing of meeting this wonderful family.  And my life has never been the same.  I now have a family to eat lunch with on Sunday.  Two people who can give me guidance and wisdom while my parents are hundreds of miles away.  Two little girls I can play with, and hopefully encourage as they grow up.    I have people who would help me when I needed it, that will go out of their way to help me.
Then when I returned to college after the summer this family gave me the opportunity to become part of another family.  This one being an adult Sunday School class I started attending.  I know they must wish that I was not there sometimes.  I can't imagine they are always overjoyed to have a 19 year old girl in their class.  But I have never felt anything but acceptance and love from everyone.
I have seen this class that is more like a family than a class go through life together.  I see them stand around and talk and drink coffee before Sunday School starts.  I watch them pour into each others lives.  I have seen them rejoice together.  I have seen them love each other.  I have seen them work together.  And most recently I have seen them mourn together.  
There is nothing that can pull people together or pull people apart faster than losing someone you love.  I have been blessed to see the people around me join together and support each other during this difficult time.  I have watched them move out to help others in our community while struggling with the hurt in their hearts.  Today I was privileged enough to work alongside them as we cleaned up a cemetery to make it clean and presentable.  We worked for hours in the dirt and sun to see an area transformed.  And knowing what these precious people are going through yet they can still go out and bless those around them is amazing to see.  
So now when I hear the word light, I see faces, faces of men and women who have given me the opportunity to learn from them.  Who have given me the blessing of being part of their lives.  Who have allowed me to intrude on their lives.  Men and women who even though they didn't know me from Adam a few months ago, have already poured so much love and encouragement into me.  
Thank you seems so inadequate.  But it is as good as I can do.  Thank you for letting me be part of your life.  Thank you for letting me see you love, and for letting me see you cry.  I will never be the same because of what you have done in my life.  And I am eternally grateful.  You are all in my prayers.  I love you. 

Venting

I know it has been while since I updated and I am sorry.  And tonight I am not exactly sure what is going to come out.  

One of the things that has been frustrating me lately is basically life in general.  But more recently how so often life gets in the way of some of my passions.  I love Alaska, I think I will be going back over spring break to continue the relationships I have been blessed to start.  This last week a couple of my friends asked me about spring break.

They where both so excited to go.  I know God would use them both in such amazing ways.  They made my month when they asked me about it. To see someone else start to get what is going on up there and be excited about going, was the biggest blessing I have had in a long time.  

Then when they asked me how much it was going to cost.  I had to tell them.  And I watched their faces droop.  How they got depressed realizing how much they would have to give up to go.  Not only time, but money as well.  And how they might not be able to go because of the cost.  

I know God will provide, he always has, but right now I am just frustrated.  Honestly this has been hard for me.  It is part of the reason I haven't been sure about going myself.  

So I am done venting. And I guess I have to let it go and let God do His thing.  Something that is easier said than done right now. 

1 Thessalonians 2:8

One of the things we did last weekend during the Baptist Student Ministries Leadership Retreat was, a memorization and meditation time.  They had several cards with verses laying out, one of the verses they had was 1 Thessalonians 2:8  “We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.”  As soon as I saw it I knew it was the verse I wanted to work on.  

As I sat on the couch reading over this verse, I thought back to my summer in Alaska.  This verse describes our team from this summer to a “t.”  I wrote a little in my journal.  “1 Thessalonians 2:8-This verse jumped out at me.  It spoke what I feel in my heart so well.  Not only am I delighted to share the gospel with the people of Alaska, but my life too.  What makes me laugh, what makes me  cry, what hurts, what comforts, where I grew up, who my family is.  Everything about me is theirs to know because I love them so much.”  

I don’t care if it hurts me to share, if it helps one person, then it is worth all the pain.  I had the privilege to share with one person this summer some of my life experiences.  While it hurt to share them, I know it helped, and that was all that mattered.  If sharing the mistakes I have made can help one person get through what I have gone through, or better yet, keep them from making the same mistakes.  It is worth all the pain and heartache I might feel while sharing them.  The people of Alaska have become so dear to me not only will I share with them, but I want to share with them.  I love when God speaks to me through His word.  And I really love it when a verse both encourages and challenges me all at the same time.  So that was my cool moment of the weekend, besides getting back to school and all the great people here. 

Family

The last ten weeks of my life, I have been in Alaska.  I left my family, to travel thousands of miles away, to work with a wonderful team who became my family.  Everyday I missed my seven siblings, parents, grandparents, and countless friends.  And everyday I grew closer to the three guys and five girls on my team.  I also had a mother aka Coach Crim, and two other moms, a dad, and  a wonderful aunt.  So today i wanted to say a little about them.  Most of you won't know who I am talking about, but that really doesn't matter.  It matters that I say what they did for me, how they helped me, and how much I love them.

So to start, Brenda Crim, Coach Crim, Mama Crim, guide, counselor, friend.  From the time she forgot us at the airport, to the time she sent us all home even though she asked us not to go.  Loving in confrontation, open with praise and encouragement.  She helped me grow she old me things I needed to hear, but certainly didn't want to hear.  Then helped pray me through applying them in my life.

Cheryl Teal, the only person to make me cry when I left.  The person who gave me perspective on the hard days.  Love everyday.  Encouragement when I needed it most.  The woman who loves through every piece of her being.  Who would die for anyone and stops at nothing to see the vision she has for her and her family, and through God's help she has done it.

Ms. Debbie, the wonderful women who was always there for us.  Would drive us around, make us food.  Encourage us, and offer great godly advice.

Aaron, this guy was my team leader.  He confronted me at the beginning of our trip and asked me to be willing to change and grow.  From that day on I knew I could trust him.  I continued to get more advice, both serious, and sometimes almost comical but good anyway.  Then he got hurt and we had to start counting the days until he would leave.  When he did I realized how much he had become a part of my life.

Bryant, the one thing out of my large family I don't have is a big brother.  The first time I met Bryant I remember simply thinking that he was a great guy.  Then a few days later he, along with the other two guys on my team, stepped into protector role for me.  Bryant, more than the others.  He showed he loved me in ways that where much harder for me to accept than normal.  He forced me allow someone into a part of my life, that no one has been into.  This amazing guy, that has been through so much in life, is stepping out to boldly proclaim his life for Christ.

Cody, the biggest teddy bear on our team.  A huge guy, yet so calm, quiet, and compassionate that he couldn't hurt a bug.  I got to witness him transform into a man searching for God's will in his life.  It was a privilege to watch him grow and mature over the summer.

Daniel, the turkey who had the gall to beat me back to Alaska, then not leave when he was supposed too!  But through the summer I realized how much he has helped me.  He is the one would look me in the eye and tell me what I needed to hear to grow in Christ.  He is the one who sat me down in the barn and told me I was doing a great job, when I felt like a failure for messing everything up.  The guy I can talk about anything with and who I know will be there for me.

Whitney, the one and only person who I can honestly blame for so many of the challenges I faced throughout the summer.  She prayed for me and goodness knows I need it.  Whit is the person who would look at me and we could calm each other.  Sometimes me helping her, but more often than not, her helping me.

Brittany, to watch this girl with children is amazing.  She has no shortage of songs, skits, and crafts to help minister to and encourage kids.  She challenged and encouraged me to be more like Christ.  In everything I do.

Katelyn, the poor longhorn amongst all of us overbearing aggies.  Her famous quote of "make good life choices"  was often heard, and sometimes I was smart enough to listen to her.  The quiet, yet so wise in all her advice.  She was always there for me, so often it was hard to listen.  Yet she kept trying.

Jackie, this always smiling, always happy, always ready to give anything needed to help out her team.  There was never a day when Jackie couldn't make all of us smile and laugh.  She is the one who was 100% open and honest.  She didn't hide, never tried to change her past.  Just accepted it and asked us to see her as she is, not who she was.

Mia, quiet Mia from East Texas, calm always ready to offer a hug and encouraging word.  She would sit beside me and offer a silent encouragement.  Never pushy just available to hear what ever I needed to say.

The Beach

This was written while I was sitting on the beach earlier this evening.

As I sit here on the beach thinking about life.  I see the ocean and the waves rolling in.  The mountains in the distance and the fisherman in the cove.  And I think of how different this "home" to me is than the home where I grew up.  Texas is in a drought the whole place is about to burst into flames.  How it is so green and beautiful.  I love them both so much.  Neither is "bad" or "good" just different.

I think of people, how I am hard working, task oriented, blow over people, get the job done.  Others are let's meet the people, see where they are at, worry about the job later, if ever.  Neither is just different.  Both states are in need of so many things.  But they are how God made them.  Just as I need to grow and see the people involved in the job.  God gave me drive it just needs to be tweaked for his ultimate glory.

Two lives, two states, all beautiful, perfect creations, they just all need God's help.  None are all God has for them.  But am I open to the pain that comes with change?  Will I grit my teeth, endure, prevail, and become more like Christ.  Or will I stay stuck in my ways refusing to budge.  Not only being less effective, but hurting the kingdom at the same time.  I am not sure where I am at.  But I am praying for the heart to accept change.

The Beach where I will be serving this weekend

A word, a Story, a Meaning, I think

enable |enˈābəl|verb [ trans. ]give (someone or something) the authority or means to do something :
Last week there one of the projects we (I mean the guys) had was to cut down about a dozen trees, de-limb them, cut them into firewood, and haul off the brush.  When this project was started we had two chainsaws that where okay, but just not big enough.  So since I took a small engine repair class this spring and knew a little bit about them I asked if I could tinker with the chainsaws.  So I took them apart, cleaned them up and tinkered with them a little.  After I finished the chainsaws started on the first pull.  It had been taking numerous pulls  to start them before.  I also sharpened an axe, two pick axes, a pair of cutters, and a machete.  This was no easy task either, some of the blades where so dull they where nearly flat where we wanted a sharp edge.  In short I enabled the guys to do their job.   
There are many places in scripture we are reminded to bear each others burdens, support one another, and more.  One of the ones we have focused on while I have been here is how Aaron and Hur supported Moses.  But Moses’ hands were heavy. Then they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it; and Aaron and Hur supported his hands, one on one side and one on the other. Thus his hands were steady until the sun set. Exodus 12:12Then in Isaiah it speaks of encouraging the tired.  Isaiah 35:3 Encourage the exhausted, and strengthen the feeble.  In Matthew 5 we are called to go the extra mile, give the extra coat.  If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you. 

All of these verses remind me of what I am called to do. I am called to encourage, enable, support, hold up, serve, and show Christ through my actions. James 2:18 “You have faith and I have works; show me your faith without the works, and I will show you my faith by my works.” So while I loved being able to one, fix something the guys had no idea how to fix, and two getting to be outside and working hard.  What I loved the most was being able to enable them to do their work.  So wheather it is fixing a chainsaw, helping hook up trailers, cleaning, cooking, or preparing food.  I am enabling those around me.  And it is awesome!

Sunlight and Water

Over the last two weeks or so I have been able to go on several walks and hikes around Anchorage.  Friday night we went to Winner Creek this gorgeous trail made me think of two of my favorite things in nature. 

First Sunlight

Second running water

Friday was the first time I have ever heard rushing water. I have seen creeks, lakes, and even the ocean, but to see and hear the rushing water was a new amazing experience.  

I started thinking about why I loved these two things so much and I came up with a few reasons.

First on the sun, my home is a place that has some of the most amazing sunsets and sunrises.  So often when I am home I take for granted the beauty God gives me on a nearly daily bases.  So my time in Alaska has reminded me of how awesome that is.  Because while I have no shortage of sunlight, and I love it, I have seen one sunset while I have been here, and no sunrises.  


And on the other hand I think I love the rushing water so much because I have had so little exposure to it.  I have always loved rain, but to see the power of tons of water rushing through such a small space is outstanding.  I can't even explain how I felt watching the power of the water move under my feet. 

God reminds me of these two parts of nature.  He is like the sunlight, that is always there even when I can't see it.  So often the most beautiful time of day is right before or after the darkest part.  But even when it is dark, the sun is still there revealing itself to someone somewhere else.  

"The heavens are telling of the glory of God; 

And their expanse is declaring the work of His hands."

Psalm 19:1