Mistakes

As I sit outside on this beautiful night, I have studied for my test.  And know I am just enjoying the beauty of God's creation.  I am listening to the song "In Christ Alone"  if you haven't ever heard this song I strongly encourage you to find it and listen to it.  I have always loved this song, and last year it became my prayer for Nome.  It speaks of how Christ is our hope, our light, only in Him can we be complete.  Lately I have been struggling with not caring about school.  I have been counting down the days until the end of the semester, while I don't think there is anything bad about that, I should care a little about how I do in school this semester.  

I am super excited about being in Alaska this summer and part of the reason I want this semester to end is because when finals are over that means I have two weeks until I leave for Alaska.  I don't think it is wrong for me to want that day to come as quickly as possible.  But I need to remember that when I decided to come to A&M it was because I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is where God wanted me.  And I should not put more stock in the fact that I am going to be a summer missionary than I do in the fact that I am a student.  While one seems more spiritual, God placed me here for a purpose.  And I can't be fulfilling that purpose when I am just functioning through school.  Not caring, not trying.  I have struggled with this all semester, plus added stress and excitement of learning I would be gone the whole summer and starting a new job.  While these things have contributed to my success this semester, the biggest thing hurting me has been my attitude.

Coming into this semester, I was looking forward to finishing my first year at college, of having a year of living on my own under my belt.  All these things took away from my care about my classes.  Needless to say the last two weeks I have put a lot of effort into my classes.  But really it is to late for most of them.  I am going to have a bad gpa, and as much as I hate that, part of me is glad.  I know now that I have to put a lot of effort into every class from day one.  I have to balance life, school, and work and not just say it will work out.  I am grateful this happened to me early in my college career.  I can fix it now, or at least try to fix it now.  

While this semester is full of mistakes, many that will always be part of my life that I can't get rid of.  I am excited to learn from what I did wrong.  Next semester is a new challenge, a new start.  And between now and then a summer full of excitement, learning, adventure, and Alaska!