The Beach

This was written while I was sitting on the beach earlier this evening.

As I sit here on the beach thinking about life.  I see the ocean and the waves rolling in.  The mountains in the distance and the fisherman in the cove.  And I think of how different this "home" to me is than the home where I grew up.  Texas is in a drought the whole place is about to burst into flames.  How it is so green and beautiful.  I love them both so much.  Neither is "bad" or "good" just different.

I think of people, how I am hard working, task oriented, blow over people, get the job done.  Others are let's meet the people, see where they are at, worry about the job later, if ever.  Neither is just different.  Both states are in need of so many things.  But they are how God made them.  Just as I need to grow and see the people involved in the job.  God gave me drive it just needs to be tweaked for his ultimate glory.

Two lives, two states, all beautiful, perfect creations, they just all need God's help.  None are all God has for them.  But am I open to the pain that comes with change?  Will I grit my teeth, endure, prevail, and become more like Christ.  Or will I stay stuck in my ways refusing to budge.  Not only being less effective, but hurting the kingdom at the same time.  I am not sure where I am at.  But I am praying for the heart to accept change.

The Beach where I will be serving this weekend

A word, a Story, a Meaning, I think

enable |enˈābəl|verb [ trans. ]give (someone or something) the authority or means to do something :
Last week there one of the projects we (I mean the guys) had was to cut down about a dozen trees, de-limb them, cut them into firewood, and haul off the brush.  When this project was started we had two chainsaws that where okay, but just not big enough.  So since I took a small engine repair class this spring and knew a little bit about them I asked if I could tinker with the chainsaws.  So I took them apart, cleaned them up and tinkered with them a little.  After I finished the chainsaws started on the first pull.  It had been taking numerous pulls  to start them before.  I also sharpened an axe, two pick axes, a pair of cutters, and a machete.  This was no easy task either, some of the blades where so dull they where nearly flat where we wanted a sharp edge.  In short I enabled the guys to do their job.   
There are many places in scripture we are reminded to bear each others burdens, support one another, and more.  One of the ones we have focused on while I have been here is how Aaron and Hur supported Moses.  But Moses’ hands were heavy. Then they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it; and Aaron and Hur supported his hands, one on one side and one on the other. Thus his hands were steady until the sun set. Exodus 12:12Then in Isaiah it speaks of encouraging the tired.  Isaiah 35:3 Encourage the exhausted, and strengthen the feeble.  In Matthew 5 we are called to go the extra mile, give the extra coat.  If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you. 

All of these verses remind me of what I am called to do. I am called to encourage, enable, support, hold up, serve, and show Christ through my actions. James 2:18 “You have faith and I have works; show me your faith without the works, and I will show you my faith by my works.” So while I loved being able to one, fix something the guys had no idea how to fix, and two getting to be outside and working hard.  What I loved the most was being able to enable them to do their work.  So wheather it is fixing a chainsaw, helping hook up trailers, cleaning, cooking, or preparing food.  I am enabling those around me.  And it is awesome!

Sunlight and Water

Over the last two weeks or so I have been able to go on several walks and hikes around Anchorage.  Friday night we went to Winner Creek this gorgeous trail made me think of two of my favorite things in nature. 

First Sunlight

Second running water

Friday was the first time I have ever heard rushing water. I have seen creeks, lakes, and even the ocean, but to see and hear the rushing water was a new amazing experience.  

I started thinking about why I loved these two things so much and I came up with a few reasons.

First on the sun, my home is a place that has some of the most amazing sunsets and sunrises.  So often when I am home I take for granted the beauty God gives me on a nearly daily bases.  So my time in Alaska has reminded me of how awesome that is.  Because while I have no shortage of sunlight, and I love it, I have seen one sunset while I have been here, and no sunrises.  


And on the other hand I think I love the rushing water so much because I have had so little exposure to it.  I have always loved rain, but to see the power of tons of water rushing through such a small space is outstanding.  I can't even explain how I felt watching the power of the water move under my feet. 

God reminds me of these two parts of nature.  He is like the sunlight, that is always there even when I can't see it.  So often the most beautiful time of day is right before or after the darkest part.  But even when it is dark, the sun is still there revealing itself to someone somewhere else.  

"The heavens are telling of the glory of God; 

And their expanse is declaring the work of His hands."

Psalm 19:1

Sisters

The last eight months of my life have been spent away from my three sisters for the first time in my life.  This last week I got to spend some much needed quality time with one sister and am back home with another one for a few days.  The little time I have had with them the last few days has reminded me how lucky I am.  My family is growing and changing, and as hard as that is to take sometimes, it is a good thing.  So this post is dedicated to my sisters.

Rachel is the oldest and while I haven't seen her in over a year and a half, we are probably just as close, if not closer than we have ever been.  I can't wait for her to get home, then for me to get home so I can see her.  She is spending her time loving on people in another part of the world.  She is the person I always saw as perfect, she was good at everything, the first born, and had no problem tackling any problem sat in front of her.  And because she was so awesome, and because we are both a little stubborn, we pretty much always butted heads and I kind of hated her for a lot of my life.  But that is behind me now, and I am just grateful for having such an awesome role model in my life.  It is made better by the fact no matter what she can't get rid of me, she is stuck with me as my sister. 

Alana is between Rachel and I, more often than not she would be the peacemaker while we were growing up.  Alana has her niche in the world and it has allowed her to serve in many awesome places.  I have had the privilege to see her expand her ministry and learn to be content in where God has placed her.  I have watched her life change and seen her be granted dreams many thought impossible.  I have crashed at her house and been oh so thankful God has put her between my college home, and home home. Alana has been a great sister and amazing friend. 

Rachel and Alana where always great friends growing up I often felt left out.  As we got older I just accepted it and moved on.  Then one day I had this awesome thought when I was feeling like the third wheel, "Realized tonight that I might always be destined to be the third wheel, it might not always be a bad thing.  After all sometimes the third wheel is needed for added balance, security, stability, and perspective."  God has shown me so many things through life and I can honestly say many of them have come from my big sisters.  So even though it is sometimes hard to be the third daughter, it is all worth it in the end. 

Then there is my little sister Lydia.  My relationship with her is so different from that of Rachel and Alana, manly becuase she is younger than me.  The last few years I have been able to be close to Lydia, and then I moved to college and left her alone in a house full of boys.  Lydia reminds me to enjoy the simple things in life.  So often I get caught up in what has to be done, how much school I have to do, and then I get a homemade card from my little sister and I am reminded that there is more going on in the world than I am seeing.  Lydia loves me even when I don't want to talk to her.  She is always around and  I can't imagine my life without her.  

While it is a little strange to have three sisters so very different, I love them all and wouldn't trade them for the world.  I am so grateful I have learned to appreciate them.  For so long I wished them out of my life, but now, I wish we could be together more often.  My sisters are amazing.  Probably three of the most amazing people I know, and the best part is, I get to call them sis. 

Change

Lately I have been thinking about my life and where it has been.  This time two years ago I was planning the event that would bring a shooting celebrity to my podunk home town.  Later I saw my hard work pay off when I got to meet a leader in the shooting sports.  When he performed in Perryton.  This time last year I was preparing a speech for the state competition about what had happened the year before.  I went through multiple mock interviews in preparation for a scholarship interview.  That interview went on to help me in making it through college.  All while wondering about  how my life was going to change when I moved hundreds of miles from home.  

And this year.  This year, I have lived away from my parents for an entire school year.  I have meet tons of people I will love for life.  Friends who no matter if I see them every week, or a whole year goes by before I see them, I love and cherish every moment.  Since the beginning of this year a lot of things have changed.  I have grown and matured, loosened up, and realized that some things are not as important as I want to make them.  

Psalm 37:4 says “Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.”  I don’t know why God has given me the desires of my heart, because I know I have not made Him the center of my life.  I have tried to but Him there, but more often than not my independent self thinks I can do it alone.  I can ask why I have been blessed the way I have a hundred times and the answer remains the same.  I don’t know why, but I know one thing.  My Father loves me.  Today I remembered the song “How deep the Father’s love for us, how vast beyond all measure.”  That is what I keep hearing when I look at my life.  

I have spent two weeks in Alaska in the last 14 months, and in that time a desire of my heart became to spend more time there.  I am getting ready to spend two and a half months serving there.  This is something a year ago I wouldn’t have even dreamed was possible, and how it came to be is one long, cool, amazing, only God could do that story.  

Another desire I had was for a group of close friends I can call on no matter what.  Friends, I know will answer, will laugh with and sometimes at me.  Friends who will confront me when something needs to change, who will give me good advice.  I have these friends in my life now, guys and girls, my age and some who are slightly older and  much wiser.  

Family, that has to be the hardest part about being hundreds of miles from home, I can’t see my family.  But God gave me another family here.  A second mom who worries about me, takes care of me, listens to me, and most importantly loves me.  A dad who has given me advice I swear could have come from the man who raised me.  Who looks me in the eye and tells me God has a plan for me and the struggles I am going through will one day end.  Two people who have given me the honor of being in their girls lives.  So I can have that little girl sit on my lap during church, so I can laugh at the craziness of being around a six and ten year old, and the challenge of being a good example.  They have welcomed me into their family, let me love them, and invested in me.  And now I can’t imagine my life without them.

All of these things are desires of my heart that God has given me.  Why I don’t know, and I probably never will.  So, now I try and show the love I have received to those around me.  Share some of the blessings in my life with others and once again, like dozens of other times, put Christ back where He belongs.  In the center, because without Him, I wouldn’t have the things I have now.  

Mistakes

As I sit outside on this beautiful night, I have studied for my test.  And know I am just enjoying the beauty of God's creation.  I am listening to the song "In Christ Alone"  if you haven't ever heard this song I strongly encourage you to find it and listen to it.  I have always loved this song, and last year it became my prayer for Nome.  It speaks of how Christ is our hope, our light, only in Him can we be complete.  Lately I have been struggling with not caring about school.  I have been counting down the days until the end of the semester, while I don't think there is anything bad about that, I should care a little about how I do in school this semester.  

I am super excited about being in Alaska this summer and part of the reason I want this semester to end is because when finals are over that means I have two weeks until I leave for Alaska.  I don't think it is wrong for me to want that day to come as quickly as possible.  But I need to remember that when I decided to come to A&M it was because I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is where God wanted me.  And I should not put more stock in the fact that I am going to be a summer missionary than I do in the fact that I am a student.  While one seems more spiritual, God placed me here for a purpose.  And I can't be fulfilling that purpose when I am just functioning through school.  Not caring, not trying.  I have struggled with this all semester, plus added stress and excitement of learning I would be gone the whole summer and starting a new job.  While these things have contributed to my success this semester, the biggest thing hurting me has been my attitude.

Coming into this semester, I was looking forward to finishing my first year at college, of having a year of living on my own under my belt.  All these things took away from my care about my classes.  Needless to say the last two weeks I have put a lot of effort into my classes.  But really it is to late for most of them.  I am going to have a bad gpa, and as much as I hate that, part of me is glad.  I know now that I have to put a lot of effort into every class from day one.  I have to balance life, school, and work and not just say it will work out.  I am grateful this happened to me early in my college career.  I can fix it now, or at least try to fix it now.  

While this semester is full of mistakes, many that will always be part of my life that I can't get rid of.  I am excited to learn from what I did wrong.  Next semester is a new challenge, a new start.  And between now and then a summer full of excitement, learning, adventure, and Alaska!

Not on me

So other than the fact that the Lady Aggie's are National Champions, last night was an awesome night and in more ways than one.  The game was great, it is always fun to watch a game with friends that are just as into it, if not more than I am.  An apartment full of friends, an awesome game, and fellowship before, during, and afterward.

After the game, our journey group came back to campus to catch up on our Bible study.  While it was awesome, to talk with them, learn with them, and laugh with them.  But the point of this post occurred today.  Jeff asked us to find something to share with the group from our personal bible study this week.  I was up until one last night, watching the game and doing our bible study.  This morning I woke up tired, overwhelmed, and slightly depressed.  But I started praying, because I didn't want to get out of bed and I didn't know what else to do.  After I got ready, I read Philippians 4 because I was looking for Philippians 4:13, I can do all things in Christ.  But I read the whole chapter, it is an awesome chapter.  Full of encouragement and support for me.

Today has been a miracle in my eyes.  I should have been supper tired all day.  But I really didn't ever feel tired.  I had dozens of homework problems due, had to be in class or work from 8 to 5 minus about 3 hours total in between classes and work.  All this to say, my homework is done, I made it through all my classes, and discovered that I am loved and held.

When I took the time to say "God I can't do this anymore, I need your help."  I read Philippians 4, saw all the awesome truths and promises in that chapter.  Why don't I let God handle my problems everyday?  Why do I feel like I have to make it on my own?  Today, was a miracle in my life, I saw how big my God is.  He loves me, holds me, and wants the best for me.

Several weeks ago when I was feeling really down, I got in bed, and cried out to God.  In that moment I felt Him hold me, and I got this picture in my head.  It was of my Dad, or any guy I trust giving me a hug, holding me, protecting me, showing me he loves me, telling me it will be okay.  I could feel Him holding me, protecting me, loving me.  I saw the picture we had from Sunday School, wit the giant hand holding the globe.  And I thought that is a bunch of crap, I don't want a God who holds the whole world, a world where when you look at the whole thing you can't even see me.  You can't tell if I am alive or dead, happy or sad.  I want a God that holds me, in the best of times and in the worst of times, my God will hold me and uphold me.

And the best news, all I have to do is let go and let Him be there for me.  So if you are one of those people who remind me of who my God is; Thank You!  You guys are the reason I am who I am .  If you are one of those guys who has held me when I was breaking; Thank You!  You have no idea how much it means to have friends I can lean on.  And a God who holds me.