The little things

It is the little things in life that make everyday memorable, and at times even bearable.  Yesterday was a really rough one for me.  But throughout the day God opened my eyes to the little blessings.

• Actually talking with a friend for a while as we pass on campus, instead of the usual hi or wave
• The A-Whoop text message replay I get
•  Being able to help someone else out 
• Coffee with a friend
• Sort of seeing a sunset
• Talking with my mom
• My sister texting me for no real reason. 

These are some of the gifts God gave me yesterday.  By focusing on the good, I am finding myself more productive, and better able to focus on all I have to do in the next three weeks.

Scared...Alaska

In two weeks I will be back in Alaska. Nome specifically. But today after sorting out lots of paperwork and finding all the information need for my team, I became overwhelmed with a sense of dread almost.

This trip is turning out to be totally different than any other one I have been on. I find myself looking forward to seeing all the people I have built relationships with. The people who have become like family, those who have helped me learn and grow so much. But I seeing them should not be why I am going. I will have all of eternity to spend with them. What about those people I encounter who right now have no hope for the future? Have I been praying for them daily?

Yes, my heart breaks for them and I desperately want them to see the truth and healing that comes through Christ, but is that why I am going?  Is it because of Romans 10:14 "How then will they call on Him in whom they have not believed? How will they believe in Him whom they have not heard? And how will they hear without a preacher?" Am I going to be a voice of hope that they have not heard. Or will I get scared and revert back to what is comfortable for me?  And not step out of my comfort zone to be a tool of the Lord.  I don't know. Right now, I think of the ways I have thought of totally rearranging my life to be there more often and I still go back to what is my motive.


I don't have that answer yet.  Please be praying for me, a friend put Romans 1:12 at the end of a note she sent me "that is, that I may be encouraged together with you while among you, each of us by the other's faith, both yours and mine." This is my prayer that I can encourage them in their faith, and them me in mine.  I know the Lord will work no matter my motives, but I want to be right with Him every step of the way.  

The little kids

This morning while I was doing my quit time it was talking about courtesy.  One of the questions it asked was to explain a time when courtesy made your life better.  The one instance that sticks out in my mind happened over Christmas break.  I should have written about this when it occurred.  But I didn't.

A few days before I left to come back to school Mom and Dad asked me to stay with the little kids while they went to Amarillo for the day.  It was a pretty normal day, cool and cloudy.  But as the day went on the temperature continued to drop.

We where getting ready to go into town to eat and go to church.  But when I looked outside it was blowing snow.  So I told Asher he needed to go get his lamb inside the trailer where she would be protected.  While I was in the bathroom getting ready to go I simply mentioned to Lydia "we need to make sure Asher gets water to his lamb."

When I walked back into the kitchen Lydia and Shep had a bucket in the sink and where filling it full of hot water.  I told them thank you and asked them why.  They told me I had said he needed to get water and they figured they could get it ready for him so he could just run it back out.

That moment was one of my proudest as a big sister.  I did not ask them to get the water ready they just saw a need and fulfilled it.  They weren't thinking about how they are not strong enough to get the bucket out of the sink, or how they might not even get told thank you.  It was the clearest, most amazing, showing of love I have seen in a long time.        

Goals

I added two lists to the left side of my blog.  There is a bucket list of things I want to do before I die, and things I want to do this semester.  We will see how it goes.  As soon as I figure out how, I will change the color on the one's I have completed.  If anyone knows how, help is appreciated.  And the first number means I have done it that many times out of what the total should be.

The lists will most likely have things added to them.  I hope it will be a good way to keep me on track.  Accountability always seems to help.

Love

1 John 4:19 "We love, because He first loved us."


Disclaimer:  Just because I am writing this does not mean I have turned into some lovey dovey  mushy romantic girl.  On the contrary, I am the same girl I have always been, I have just been hit in the face with an appreciation for the way God has designed us to be in relationship with each other. And yes, flowers are still way overrated. 


I have seen several friends my age and that I grew up with get married in the past year or so. I am seeing many of my very close college friends that I do life with everyday start getting in relationships, often with each other. My family is expanding.  And I have been blessed to see numerous godly wonderful marriage relationships over the course of my life.  


God has begun to open my eyes to how he has created us to be in relationships with each other.  Both romantic and none romantic.  So often I give my friends a hard time about dating, and how I am the third wheel, ect. ect.  But I realized that I am super blessed to be where I am.  I get to see God work in their lives in an up close way.  I can see them make mistakes, and hopefully learn from them. So maybe I can make my own mistakes instead of repeating those from others.  


I don't know if or when God will open my heart to a guy.  Everyone around me seems to have more faith than me on the whole thing every happening.  What I do know is that if I meet the guy I am to marry tomorrow, if I have to wait for years to meet him, or if I never meet him.  God is there for me, he is my protector, lover, leader, and rock.  I don't need a guy, I do need a close underlie dependent on Him, relationship with my savior.  Until that occurs, I do not see myself walking through life with anyone other than him.


I am perfectly content, and happy in my life the way it is.  I am beginning to enjoy seeing friends go out with each other, that doesn't mean I won't still tease them about it every chance I get.  But I can enjoy it and learn from it.  And through patience and a lot of prayer maybe one day they will have a legitimate reason to tease me.  And until that day comes, it is my job to fall more and more in love with the one who will never let me down or disappoint me. 

Home

Have you ever wondered where you really belong?  The place God has designed you to be?  He might take you somewhere else, or you might have to be patient and wait for a while before you are home.  But that place where no matter what you fit, it is truly home.

I have thought about that a lot lately.  I think it came to mind a couple weeks ago.  I realized that I am me when I am in jeans and boots.  Or cargo pants and hiking boots.   Because of some craziness in my schedule I had a reason to wear a skirt two times that week.  And it donned on me that I am more comfortable in a skirt than I am in shorts.  This is  big deal since I have always despised skirts.  I hate them, yes I have worn them my whole life and will continue to wear them.  But in general they are not something I desire to put on my body.

I decided I want to live somewhere where I can wake up every morning and put on jeans if I want.  Not where I have to wear shorts just to be able to function because it is so hot and humid.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God sent me to College Station for school and this is where I am for now.  But I cannot wait for they day when I get to go "home."

I don't know where it will be, will it be one of the many places I have called home? The old farm house East of town, or the camper and trailer house.  The house I helped build with my own two hands.  The dorm room or town house I have called home in College Station.  Or the house in the cul-de-sac with woods for a backyard.

Who knows how long it will be before I get to that place where I will truly feel at home.  So right now I   try to remember that no place on earth will ever truly be my home.  Only in Christ can I be truly content.  And only when I rely on him for everything will I ever be whole.  No matter how out of place I feel where I am living, or how much I think I would be at home somewhere else, in all reality.  No matter where I go, or what I do unless I am whole through Christ I will never feel at home.

Light

  light 1 |līt|
noun1 the natural agent that stimulates sight and makes things visible
Such a short simple word.  But so often it provokes thoughts of other words.  Some that come to my mind.  God, healing, hope, love, faith, and most recently family.  
About a year ago I received an email from a wonderful family at the church I was attending at college.  Then nearly three months later, after many attempts, I finally had the blessing of meeting this wonderful family.  And my life has never been the same.  I now have a family to eat lunch with on Sunday.  Two people who can give me guidance and wisdom while my parents are hundreds of miles away.  Two little girls I can play with, and hopefully encourage as they grow up.    I have people who would help me when I needed it, that will go out of their way to help me.
Then when I returned to college after the summer this family gave me the opportunity to become part of another family.  This one being an adult Sunday School class I started attending.  I know they must wish that I was not there sometimes.  I can't imagine they are always overjoyed to have a 19 year old girl in their class.  But I have never felt anything but acceptance and love from everyone.
I have seen this class that is more like a family than a class go through life together.  I see them stand around and talk and drink coffee before Sunday School starts.  I watch them pour into each others lives.  I have seen them rejoice together.  I have seen them love each other.  I have seen them work together.  And most recently I have seen them mourn together.  
There is nothing that can pull people together or pull people apart faster than losing someone you love.  I have been blessed to see the people around me join together and support each other during this difficult time.  I have watched them move out to help others in our community while struggling with the hurt in their hearts.  Today I was privileged enough to work alongside them as we cleaned up a cemetery to make it clean and presentable.  We worked for hours in the dirt and sun to see an area transformed.  And knowing what these precious people are going through yet they can still go out and bless those around them is amazing to see.  
So now when I hear the word light, I see faces, faces of men and women who have given me the opportunity to learn from them.  Who have given me the blessing of being part of their lives.  Who have allowed me to intrude on their lives.  Men and women who even though they didn't know me from Adam a few months ago, have already poured so much love and encouragement into me.  
Thank you seems so inadequate.  But it is as good as I can do.  Thank you for letting me be part of your life.  Thank you for letting me see you love, and for letting me see you cry.  I will never be the same because of what you have done in my life.  And I am eternally grateful.  You are all in my prayers.  I love you.