100%

Being a 100% in something means more than just committing yourself totally to something. It also means giving up everything that does not line up with the goal you have committed to whole heartily. 

This realization today was a hard pill to swallow. See even though I'm in Oregon and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am supposed to be here, sometimes I don't want to be. I want to be wholly here. Sold out to the cause and place God has put me in. Yet more often than not I still struggle with making that true. 

In order to make the transition from not totally here, to totally be here I have to give up an end date. I can’t focus on June when my “time” here is done. I can’t keep the escape plan in mind. For as far as I know I may be in Oregon for the next decade of my life. Horror of horrors I might meet some guy with a nice job in down town Eugene, with a house where I can spit and hit my neighbors window, and trees surrounding me making me want to escape to the wide open spaces everyday. 

I am here until He moves me somewhere else. 

And that is so hard to swallow. If could guess at how my heart is divided based on the places I am passionate about this is it. 

45% belongs to Alaska. The people there, the work that is being done and that needs to be done. I can't even but words to how much I want to be in Alaska. 

20% belongs to Texas. Home, family, Texas A&M, the life long relationships I have formed there. 

15% goes to the rest of the world. All the places I have heard about and can’t wait to see. 

20% belongs to Oregon. I haven’t been able to totally and completely commit here. To let go of the dreams I have for other places. Thats my struggle. The reason behind me totally realizing how far I have left to go in this crazy journey called life.