Change

Lately I have been thinking about my life and where it has been.  This time two years ago I was planning the event that would bring a shooting celebrity to my podunk home town.  Later I saw my hard work pay off when I got to meet a leader in the shooting sports.  When he performed in Perryton.  This time last year I was preparing a speech for the state competition about what had happened the year before.  I went through multiple mock interviews in preparation for a scholarship interview.  That interview went on to help me in making it through college.  All while wondering about  how my life was going to change when I moved hundreds of miles from home.  

And this year.  This year, I have lived away from my parents for an entire school year.  I have meet tons of people I will love for life.  Friends who no matter if I see them every week, or a whole year goes by before I see them, I love and cherish every moment.  Since the beginning of this year a lot of things have changed.  I have grown and matured, loosened up, and realized that some things are not as important as I want to make them.  

Psalm 37:4 says “Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.”  I don’t know why God has given me the desires of my heart, because I know I have not made Him the center of my life.  I have tried to but Him there, but more often than not my independent self thinks I can do it alone.  I can ask why I have been blessed the way I have a hundred times and the answer remains the same.  I don’t know why, but I know one thing.  My Father loves me.  Today I remembered the song “How deep the Father’s love for us, how vast beyond all measure.”  That is what I keep hearing when I look at my life.  

I have spent two weeks in Alaska in the last 14 months, and in that time a desire of my heart became to spend more time there.  I am getting ready to spend two and a half months serving there.  This is something a year ago I wouldn’t have even dreamed was possible, and how it came to be is one long, cool, amazing, only God could do that story.  

Another desire I had was for a group of close friends I can call on no matter what.  Friends, I know will answer, will laugh with and sometimes at me.  Friends who will confront me when something needs to change, who will give me good advice.  I have these friends in my life now, guys and girls, my age and some who are slightly older and  much wiser.  

Family, that has to be the hardest part about being hundreds of miles from home, I can’t see my family.  But God gave me another family here.  A second mom who worries about me, takes care of me, listens to me, and most importantly loves me.  A dad who has given me advice I swear could have come from the man who raised me.  Who looks me in the eye and tells me God has a plan for me and the struggles I am going through will one day end.  Two people who have given me the honor of being in their girls lives.  So I can have that little girl sit on my lap during church, so I can laugh at the craziness of being around a six and ten year old, and the challenge of being a good example.  They have welcomed me into their family, let me love them, and invested in me.  And now I can’t imagine my life without them.

All of these things are desires of my heart that God has given me.  Why I don’t know, and I probably never will.  So, now I try and show the love I have received to those around me.  Share some of the blessings in my life with others and once again, like dozens of other times, put Christ back where He belongs.  In the center, because without Him, I wouldn’t have the things I have now.  

Mistakes

As I sit outside on this beautiful night, I have studied for my test.  And know I am just enjoying the beauty of God's creation.  I am listening to the song "In Christ Alone"  if you haven't ever heard this song I strongly encourage you to find it and listen to it.  I have always loved this song, and last year it became my prayer for Nome.  It speaks of how Christ is our hope, our light, only in Him can we be complete.  Lately I have been struggling with not caring about school.  I have been counting down the days until the end of the semester, while I don't think there is anything bad about that, I should care a little about how I do in school this semester.  

I am super excited about being in Alaska this summer and part of the reason I want this semester to end is because when finals are over that means I have two weeks until I leave for Alaska.  I don't think it is wrong for me to want that day to come as quickly as possible.  But I need to remember that when I decided to come to A&M it was because I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is where God wanted me.  And I should not put more stock in the fact that I am going to be a summer missionary than I do in the fact that I am a student.  While one seems more spiritual, God placed me here for a purpose.  And I can't be fulfilling that purpose when I am just functioning through school.  Not caring, not trying.  I have struggled with this all semester, plus added stress and excitement of learning I would be gone the whole summer and starting a new job.  While these things have contributed to my success this semester, the biggest thing hurting me has been my attitude.

Coming into this semester, I was looking forward to finishing my first year at college, of having a year of living on my own under my belt.  All these things took away from my care about my classes.  Needless to say the last two weeks I have put a lot of effort into my classes.  But really it is to late for most of them.  I am going to have a bad gpa, and as much as I hate that, part of me is glad.  I know now that I have to put a lot of effort into every class from day one.  I have to balance life, school, and work and not just say it will work out.  I am grateful this happened to me early in my college career.  I can fix it now, or at least try to fix it now.  

While this semester is full of mistakes, many that will always be part of my life that I can't get rid of.  I am excited to learn from what I did wrong.  Next semester is a new challenge, a new start.  And between now and then a summer full of excitement, learning, adventure, and Alaska!

Not on me

So other than the fact that the Lady Aggie's are National Champions, last night was an awesome night and in more ways than one.  The game was great, it is always fun to watch a game with friends that are just as into it, if not more than I am.  An apartment full of friends, an awesome game, and fellowship before, during, and afterward.

After the game, our journey group came back to campus to catch up on our Bible study.  While it was awesome, to talk with them, learn with them, and laugh with them.  But the point of this post occurred today.  Jeff asked us to find something to share with the group from our personal bible study this week.  I was up until one last night, watching the game and doing our bible study.  This morning I woke up tired, overwhelmed, and slightly depressed.  But I started praying, because I didn't want to get out of bed and I didn't know what else to do.  After I got ready, I read Philippians 4 because I was looking for Philippians 4:13, I can do all things in Christ.  But I read the whole chapter, it is an awesome chapter.  Full of encouragement and support for me.

Today has been a miracle in my eyes.  I should have been supper tired all day.  But I really didn't ever feel tired.  I had dozens of homework problems due, had to be in class or work from 8 to 5 minus about 3 hours total in between classes and work.  All this to say, my homework is done, I made it through all my classes, and discovered that I am loved and held.

When I took the time to say "God I can't do this anymore, I need your help."  I read Philippians 4, saw all the awesome truths and promises in that chapter.  Why don't I let God handle my problems everyday?  Why do I feel like I have to make it on my own?  Today, was a miracle in my life, I saw how big my God is.  He loves me, holds me, and wants the best for me.

Several weeks ago when I was feeling really down, I got in bed, and cried out to God.  In that moment I felt Him hold me, and I got this picture in my head.  It was of my Dad, or any guy I trust giving me a hug, holding me, protecting me, showing me he loves me, telling me it will be okay.  I could feel Him holding me, protecting me, loving me.  I saw the picture we had from Sunday School, wit the giant hand holding the globe.  And I thought that is a bunch of crap, I don't want a God who holds the whole world, a world where when you look at the whole thing you can't even see me.  You can't tell if I am alive or dead, happy or sad.  I want a God that holds me, in the best of times and in the worst of times, my God will hold me and uphold me.

And the best news, all I have to do is let go and let Him be there for me.  So if you are one of those people who remind me of who my God is; Thank You!  You guys are the reason I am who I am .  If you are one of those guys who has held me when I was breaking; Thank You!  You have no idea how much it means to have friends I can lean on.  And a God who holds me.

Mom

Earlier this week I wrote about how awesome my dad is.  And I needed to do that because I had to quit hiding and be more open.  So I am going to continue that trend today.  I have never been very good at telling people what I am feeling while I am with them, but if I write it down, it usually makes sense and is more accurate.  So today I want to write about my mom.

Mom has to be the one person I take for granted the most.  There were times in my life when I did not want anything to do with her.  I know now, that I deeply hurt her, yet she never stopped loving me.  All of my life Mom was more than just that motherly figure, she was also my teacher, and thankfully recently I have allowed her to be the friend she always wanted to be.

Not a lot of women can stay at home with eight kids, take care of the house, and educate her children.  My mom did all of that plus some, like living in a single wide trailer house for three years while we built a house.  Or just the fact that she is a farmers wife, and is constantly being thrown a different plan every few minutes.

All of these things contribute to making my mom the awesome amazing women she is, but the coolest thing to me is that she is all this while also being an amazing example of what a women of faith should be.  I know I made it hard on my mom for most of my life, and as much as I wish I could change that I can't.  All I can do is try to show how much she has impacted me, and how much I love and appreciate her.

So Mom, just like Dad you are my hero, and I can't thank you enough for raising me the way you did.
"Her children arise and call her blessed;"

Nome, Alaska

So I am not really sure what to write about.  My trip to Nome was so awesome and yet so radically diffrent from last year I am still processing a little bit.  A lot happened, I did some awesome and amazing things, and I learned a whole heeping lot about myself.

If I could describe this trip in one word it would be relationships.  I got to spend a lot of time hanging out with people, talking to them, beinging challeneged, and hopefully an encouragment to them.  So I am going to share a few stories of some of the people I got to serve next to. 

Caroline and I at the finish line

I met Caroline last year in Nome, she is one awesome young lady.  When I saw her for the first time this year, I grabbed her shoulders and just looked at her, it took her a few seconds, but then she screamed "Sarah, I didn't know you were coming."  That one moment with her would have been worth my whole trip.  But that wasn't the end, on the day of the finish we spend a couple of hours, just the two of us.  We watched Baker win, played on the Bering Sea, at candy, and my favorite, skipped down Front Street.  I love this girl, and to be able to see her some over the summer is going to be such a huge blessing.

Cheryl and I at the Concession Stand

Cheryl is Carolines mom, and its easy to see why Caroline is as awesome as she is.  Cheryl has been such a reminder of how with God's help we can do anything.  Cheryl and Candy (who I don't have a picture with :( 

work in the Concession Stand everyday from Sunday to Saturday, often 14 or more hours each day.  Cheryl is one lady I am proud to know and maybe one day I can be half as awesome as she is. 

James, Nathan, and I

James and Nathan are two boys from Nome that I had the privilage of spending some time with.  One of my favorite memories with them is walking from the minnie back to the church.  It took us a good 30 minutes to make a walk that should take about seven.  But we had to stop to play in the snow bank, take pictures under the arch, slide down the hill in the parking lot, and basically laugh and play our way back to the church.  These boys are awesome and I can't wait for the day when they are changing the world.

Lisa and Kirsten

I don't know what to say about these two women.  I grew up with both of them, but until recently didn't relize how totally super awesom and amazing they are.  Both of them have such a huge heart for God and those around them it amazes me.  One of the greatest parts about this trip was seeing them fall in love with the people of Nome and go out of their way to serve them.  It blessed me in ways they probably don't even know.  I love these two girls, and can't wait to see where God sends them next.  But I am putting my money on Alaska for both of them. 

Linzey and I

How do you tell the world about someone who has come beside you, encouraged you, laughed at/with you, and made you relize how great a God we serve?  I don't know but that is just a little of what Linzey has done for me.  I had the amazing opportunity to hang out with this girl nearly everyday.  And everyday was better than the one before.  I met her last year and loved her then, but now I can't imagine my life without her there.  She helped me to see some things I need to work on, helped me in some of the struggles I had while in Nome.  And overall was a sounding board for me when everything else was weighing down on me.  Linzey was a huge blessing to me while we where in Nome.  But the most awesome thing (besides the fact she is Linz) is that I can still call her, and even see her if I need to, because God has placed us near each other in our daily lives. 

Daniel, Me, and Caroline at the finish

The whole week was a ton of fun, I don't have pictures of everyone I got to know and work with, but the few above give you a little glimps into the awesome week I had.  I am so blessed with the friends and family I have, and this week in Nome just made that circle bigger.

All of these pictures represent special people in my life, and many memories.  I hope you enjoyed them.

My Hero

I know you guys are anticipating a post about my time in Nome and I promise that will come, maybe even today.  But right now I want to take time to tell you about my hero.

This last weekend, right after my Math test Friday drove back to Perryton for the weekend so I could share about my trip to Nome.  I loved my time at home, however brief it was and Sunday after lunch I was back in the car to head back here. I was rockin and  rollin until I got to Childress, and when I got there, my car just decided to quit.  I pulled over, thinking I would let it cool, then continue on.  After many different attempts to start it, get help starting it, and finally giving up.  The decision was made for Dad to bring me the Toyota, and take the Honda back to Perryton.

Why this post is supposed to be about my hero, is because, I discovered, while verbally journaling on the way home, and the fact that he drove over three hours to rescue me, how awesome my Dad is.  He was supposed to be reporting to church about his trip to Nashville.  The trip he took with the rest of our family, instead he is in the pickup coming to save me.  I know he always would have done it, but it was really big for me at that moment. 

I have always loved my dad, been fairly close to him, and known how awesome he was.  But a year ago that was even more obvious as we traveled to Alaska together.  While there is a lot I could say about that, basically, when multiple people tell you in one week, often in the same day how blessed you are to have the dad you do.  You sit up and take notice.  And I did, so that week will always be one of my most treasured memories out of my entire life.  Then when Mom and Dad went to Alaska for their anniversary, they both shared with me how everywhere they looked, they knew I would love it there.  They also set me on a journey to spend a summer ministering in Alaska.

When I got the email telling me I was appointed to a summer long, trip to Alaska, I called my Mom, she didn't answer so I called Dad.  When I told him where I could go, I remember him saying something along the lines of "your going to love it, you will do awesome, that is great."  After he said that I told him, I hadn't even read the email yet, much less thought or prayed about it.  His response was basically telling me he had no doubt where I would be this summer. 

This weekend, as I was talking my thoughts out, I realized that my dad knew if I accepted this position I wouldn't be around to help him this summer.  He knew it would make his summer more difficult, and would make the summer more difficult on everyone.  But, what I realized was Dad could have when I called him, challenged me to think about being in Perryton, he could have told me I needed to be double, and triple certain this was where God had me.  But he didn't, he just said go. 

In that moment, he showed me his unending love for me.  While I never had a doubt I would be supported if I went to Alaska for the summer, this no hesitation, blessing was huge for me.  I told Dad this weekend what it meant to me.  He knows, but I want everyone else to know as well, if your in my family tell Dad thanks.  He deserves it.  If you see him, give him a hug for me.  Being 600 miles away makes that difficult for me.

I know this verse is referring to mothers, but I think it fits, "Her children arise and call her blessed;"
I love you Dad!

Nome Alaska

Yesterday, Kirsten had the opportunity to attend a tea with several of the other women here.  This was a huge break through for the mission effort up here.  The opportunity to share Christ through, bible in the buckets, dress packs, and conversation.  Kirsten's experience there was awesome, she has shared with us about how being given things that will help them, opened their hearts to the hope of Christ.

As Kirsten was experiencing the awesome breakthrough from the woman's tea, Lisa and I where working in the concessions stand.  For me it has been extremelly neat to see how I am continuting relationships I started last spring, and developing new ones.  There are three other girls from the College Station area and around our age.  It has been neat to see us bond, laugh, and share with others.  Even right at this instance as I am writing, four other awesome girls are sitting around me talking about our experiences so far. 

I am a little off kilter right now.  I am not sure where I am, and what I am feeling but I know I am seeing God work in amazing ways.  Lisa and Kirsten, are going to work on writing an update and I will try to get another one up right now. 

• Pray for us as we are getting further along on the trip and we are getting tired.  It is a challenge to put ninty people in a small church together and no one get testy.  
• For the people here, especially the women who where ministered to yesterday at the tea.
• That everyone here, native, Alaskan, or tourist would see the love of Christ in all of us here.